Trying to Write When I Don't Want To

It's been 2 weeks since I last published my 25th post. Was busy with a copywriting job. That too, a few days after the presentation was approved, I was afflicted with diarrhea of the pen. Not the montezuma's revenge but the dilemma of a writer whose material tends to have a beginning, a middle,  and if the reader is lucky, an end. Ultimately on the 3rd week, I felt exhausted. My mind went blocked. Thanks to a far remote friend, Malou Eden, who gave me the inspiration to write about something. I cannot promise though that this entry will be of good substance versus the previous ones.

I have always loved to write for as long as I can remember--about interesting people, life experiences, and life lessons. I normally carry around a pen and a small notebook to write down inspirations anywhere I'd be at a certain time (Yes, I'm old-fashioned!). I find it trivial using my mobile's notepad. Makes me dizzy.

Reading all kinds of books evoked my interest to pen my thoughts.  It was accidentally polished when I wrote more love letters and poems in sophomore high more than I did my homework. Reading and writing are two sides of the same coin.  The more I read, the more I want to write. Proving Bill Robinson's study that "an advance in one skill reinforces the other." Hence, English as my major in college. 

As I grew maturely, I had the privilege to work while functioning as a Corporate Trainer from the late '90's to 2004  on what I consider to be important jobs like ghostwriting,  advertorials, copywriting, and writing training manuscripts.

Notice I skipped the year I joined EasyCall (ECPI) in 1993 to 1997. I allowed an insolent immediate superior to treat me with contempt on a regular basis. I put up with her manic-depressive behaviour which was ever so highly evident when she and her boyfriend would have a bad fight the night before. Helpless and depressed, I started believing all the negative stuff she told about me. My faith in myself just flew out of the window--including that special skill.

I breathed for the first time when I was offered a job as a Corporate Trainer for Recall 138 mid of 1997. While I was directly reporting to the HR Manager, I also worked side by side the president for ghostwriting projects. My output spoke of my work and commanded respect from both my colleagues and the management. What a huge difference it makes when somebody believes in you. I was reborn!

I have forgiven that audacious manager from ECPI but I must admit that for a while I kicked myself everytime I remember how and why I put up with her. In retrospect, I thank God for allowing that to happen to me because in God's appointed time, I became a manager to my own training staff. I used the same negative experience to teach me to be more compassionate, encouraging, and a team-player.

Fast forward to where I am now, I'm glad to be writing again. I had to put off writing for a little while because circumstances called for it. Circumtances too brought me back to the writing circle.  Hence, the title of this blog "Immaculate Emancipation." Why such title? Long story.

Apologies for a seemingly an insipid post as this one.

Half-Glass Empty or Half-Glass Full?: Devil-May-Care

According to Wikipedia, Pessimism is a state of mind in which one perceives life negatively.

I have met quite a few of them and I must be honest that I regret almost immediately to have come accross their paths. 

I'll talk about one character at a time.

An old acquaintance I reconnected thru facebook perpetually talks about her financial woes. The moment I asked how she is, she would, as if scripted, respond, "still drowning in debt." No matter how much I try to shift the subject, she gyrates yet skillfully on bringing up the same old pathetic issue. What glory she finds in whining and complaining about how luck seems to have turned away and yet not do anything! Boy, I feel sick after each encounter with her. For my own sake, I have to make a quick decision to end the chat before she drains out the infinitesimal energy left in me.

I sympathize with her but I'm not sorry for her. The state where she's in right now is the choice she made. Since she solicited my advice on almost every occassion, I told her to consider the following:

1. tell her spouse to get a temp job in any establishment for extra income;
2. search for offshore teaching jobs where remuneration is far better than local--online, through POEA or any legal recruitment office;
3. avoid borrowing loans and use of credit cards;
4. live within their means;
5. and, finally, be thankful for everything because she has everything at her disposal--stable career, a loving son, and good friends around her.

It makes me sad when I see pictures of her partying. It's good to be in social events once in a while because this somehow takes off the worry, but to see a post of her "high time" and the next telling me she's broke, is ridiculously insane. I find that unacceptable. No wonder she's still in the pit. 

Steve Pavlina says, "Negative people are energy vampires.  They have an almost endless capacity to dwell on what they don’t want, whining and complaining about their lives while denying responsibility for their result. Their fear blocks the natural flow of energy from within, so they must get it from other people instead.  After spending a few hours with them, you’ll usually feel drained, tired, worried, or stressed.

It makes no difference what particular circumstances negative people blame for their negative outlook.  Ultimately it’s still a choice rooted in free will.  No matter how unconscious the person was when making the decision to sink into negativity, in this moment that person still has the power to choose otherwise.  So if you decide to help such a person, your primary role is to help guide him to make a more conscious choice, one that will likely be much more empowering."

In my case, I guess I tried to help. But her attitude seems as obstinate as her stagnation. And I can't give what I already don't have--patience.

She remains in my prayers. At least in that avenue, I don't need to deal with her in person as God is far better handling her case than I. 

Roller Coaster Ride

I have watched Nanay falling in and out of  sickness since she reached her 50+ years of age. It seems so macabre to suggest that her body translated infirmity as she aged. The once strong woman who took care of 7 kids has been frail for the last 15 years.

I spoke to her yesterday concerning her health since I learned that her blood pressure shot up to 180/90 and pulse rate of only 47 on Wednesday. Lynn rushed her to the hospital complaining of lightheadedness and physical weakness. She underwent a series of lab tests including 2D-echocardiography, carotid/vertebral duplex and other tests to diagnose autoimmune illnesses. She was sent home that day too showing signs of improvement, but with a new set of prescription drugs.

Emergency care was inevitable late evening of Thursday when her blood pressure registered to its most dangerous level of 220/100 with pulse rate of 37. She had to be monitored 4 hours straight until her condition stabilized. It took 2 doses of catapres 6 hours later to bring her blood pressure down. She was released from the satellite clinic a few hours later.

We reckon that stress and exhaustion from taking care of my father from his episode of stroke last February can be imminent, but not to this extent. Sleeping would have been palliative for her but she's also deprived of it.

While she's out of danger now, I think in my carnal mind, based on her medical history that it would just be a matter of time when sickness would attack again. I'm so sick of it!

When sickness invades the life of your loved one, it completely  drains you--emotionally, financially, mentally, physically. It feeds on sadness; robs you of your joy ultimately stressing you out while it slowly depletes your savings. 

The frailty of the human body can cause one to think of a god who can heal and save. I'm no exception. I can cause a tide of prayer requests to Christian friends and ministries until I'm emotionally and spiritually exhausted. Sometimes I find myself spiritually paralyzed especially when the one sick is someone I dearly love. It's difficult to pray when someone is sick, but I know in my very soul that it's the enemy's way to keep my prayer unanswered so I have to keep on pushing.  

I see sickness as a gun pointed at a person's head leaving him or her almost instantly petitioning God to manifest His power right at that very moment. My friend Blenda is right when she said that "God is not moved when we have a need, He is moved by our faith."

Hebrews 11:6, "And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him."

I'm believing God will release her from the bondage of sickness so she can live life as she should--healthy, happy and pain free.  

Special thanks to my friends and prayer warriors Blenda and Mavic from Manila and Thess R from Australia who helped me pray for my mother. 

All is well now. Thank you, Lord Jesus.