immaculate emancipation: A God-Given Day

immaculate emancipation: A God-Given Day: "My day begins at 5:30am. Most of the time though I get up ahead of the alarm. It frustrates me sometimes not to be able to sleep at least 6h..."

immaculate emancipation: Thess

immaculate emancipation: Thess: "I lost a good friend of mine to leukemia yesterday. I didn't know it would hurt this much to lose Thess. We reconnected through Facebook la..."

A God-Given Day

My day begins at 5:30am. Most of the time though I get up ahead of the alarm. It frustrates me sometimes not to be able to sleep at least 6hours. In hindsight, it allows me enough time to pray and have more quiet time with the Lord before my feet hit the cold floor.

Packing lunch for my 4 year-old is the first order of the day. I prepare sandwiches--grilled cheese, hotdog, and/or peanut butter and jelly on alternate days; sliced apples and mango juice. Waking her up at 6:15am is pretty much predetermined by how and what time she slept the night before. It's one thing when she had at least 8 hours sleep and it's another when it's less than that. Our mornings are different each and everytime (smile).

After the bus had picked her up, need to go back to the kitchen for my husband's breakfast. I'd like to think he loves my omelette with chopped onion, tomatoes, green chilis, turmeric and pepper accompanied by buttered toast and jam. It's actually a result of the abrakadabra routine I do in the kitchen. I'm a bad cook. My kitchen IQ is probably just about .1% above an idiot. And for me to be able to make an honest omelette is boy, a miracle in every 100 years! That's why we hired a cook.

After my husband had left for office, I'm left with this massive work at home. Don't get me wrong. I love household chores. I enjoy doing the laundry--especially careful with hanging clothes with applied color coding, large to small, using appropriate clips. Yes! Art can be applied there, too (smile). If you're a housewife or single living alone you can probably relate to me about the endless jobs I'm talking about here. Laundry is just one of them. Nothing more pitiful than crying while scrubbing the toilet, right? And I try to fix that by eating a dozen cinnamon rolls! I meant that as hilarious. I want heavenly promotions. I try not to be like that anymore.

Relieved from the hassles of cooking, I can turn to blogging. Put my thoughts into writing. Thanks to Shane, my not-blood-sister but a good friend, who encouraged me to create a blog as an outlet--more like a motherhood cum wife literature--subjects can be diverse. It's basically self-serving. 

As I wait for my child to return from school, I think of some crafts we can both do for the day. A big chunk of that challenge has been taken away by my good friend Anitha. When our kids are back from school, she gladly welcomes us to her home everyday providing a super fun indoor space for my kid and hers. It's good for both our kids to develop social skills especially living abroad where everything is foreign and everyone a stranger.

Coming back home, I make sure she naps between 3 and 5pm. That helps her recharge and do homework. Afterwards, it's play time till dinner time. My husband comes home around 6-6:30pm. I give him downtime before dinner. We talk in between if the mood permits. Otherwise, we watch TV together--mum or talking--it depends.

That's pretty much how life treats me or how I treat it everyday. I turn to the Lord in prayer after a long day of both physical and spiritual drought. I said drought because it is up to me to steward my inner strength out to be useful and as meaningful as possible. It can be draining sometimes sans sleep vis-a-vis hormones at work! Who said it's easy to be a mother and a wife at the same time? I'm the last person to sleep and the first person to get up. But I'm compelled by love. I'm enjoying my journey.

Thess

I lost a good friend of mine to leukemia yesterday. I didn't know it would hurt this much to lose Thess.

We reconnected through Facebook last April 2010. Since then we shared life stories after EasyCall. We exchanged photographs of our travels. I fell in love with her stories of how she's enjoying her life--going to spas for massage, eating well, working hard, traveling in and out of South East Asia with good friends. She's having the best time of her life so to speak.

January 26 this year I received an email from her with a different tone. She wrote that  she was diagnosed with acute lymphocytic leukemia in Malaysia on September 2010. She obliged to seek second opinion in Manila as advised by her doctor. January 12 she received a conclusive report that she was indeed afflicted with the blood disease. I was in total disbelief. How can a peppy yet pure soul like her be stricken with such a deadly disease?

She refused to undergo chemotheraphy because she was very scared of its side effects. I was devastated! Mainly because I know if she refused treatment it would not make her condition any better. Respecting her for this decision, I can only encourage her to activate her faith and put on the armor of God. We have a serious battle to win here.  

4,600 miles away from her, the best I could do was seek church elder's help for prayer. I sent a letter to the pastoral assistant of National Evangelical Church to include Thess in the congregation's prayer. The church being so concerned of her health condition contacted a specialist from American Mission Hospital encouraging her to seek prompt treatment. I wrote to select international ministries to ask for her healing. When they replied, I forwarded all letters to Thess so she would know that she's not alone.  

Thess, on the other hand, continued to live. She never pity-partied. Depression was never an option. One day she wrote,"sorry, mare, di na kita tinoma kasi pa-good girl effect ako. hahaha!" I told myself maybe she's really feeling better. She obviously kept an attitude of faith and kept her heart right. I kept following up. "I'm ok, mare". That's what she would tell me every single time.

She spent more time with her family; explored places she's never been; surrounded herself with good, loving friends and yet never mentioned anything about pain. What I know with leukemia is it makes one's bones hurt so much that it debilitates the person in excruciating pain. Nevertheless, in succeeding months she posted photographs of her activities looking happy. No one can guess she's sufferring in silence. It gave me a great sense of relief though knowing, based on the pictures, that she may indeed be feeling better. 

Meanwhile, unrest in the Middle East erupted causing most of us expats to panic. The economy was badly affected. The target now is my own family--our safety and our future. To make matters worse, my father suffered a massive stroke that same month! Thess wrote to me February 29 assuring me that everything will be alright. My husband filed for emergency leave and 3 days later we were all in Calcutta. I kept in touch with Thess while I was there.

When everything settled in Bahrain after 3 weeks, we came back to resume our normal lives. Classes started officially for my daughter too at that time. My hands were full. Thess kept in touch with assurance that she's fine. And I believed her all the time.

June 16 I wrote on her wall asking how she is. I didn't get a reply. I thought she would write back later on because she would never ignore my message or any person's for that matter. I received a private message from Ms U, a former colleague and an old friend from EasyCall, telling me to call her, "it's about Thess B". I had a bad feeling about it but I brushed it off. I told her I can't call right away because I didn't have an international calling card. I texted her asking what happened to Thess and told her to write me at facebook.

"Thess passed away this morning. Acute leukemia." I was shocked! I refused to believe it. I said to myself, "No! It can't be. She was ok." My heart ached a lot. I cried so hard I cannot breathe. I asked myself, did I pray hard enough? Maybe my prayer was not enough. Did she go through so much pain that last hour? I thought she would be around longer.

So I called Ms U. Told me the moments she shared with Thess while seeking treatment at UST. She mentioned seeing my post left unanswered. I told her I will check my private messages again since they tend to pile up as I receive a lot of messages from family members and other friends too. Moments later I did. And here's what I found: 

 

June 16

Thess Bantigue

hello mare, musta na? para sa akin ba ung msg mo sa wall na "kumusta na bes"
anyway, i'm ok naman. tuloy pa rin ang pagpapagamot. kayo musta na dyan, ang cute ng mga pics ni ali ah.
ingat & God bless always. miss u na mare

My heart sank. 

Thess' good nature are too numerous to mention. All I know is she loved the Lord and she sought Him and found comfort in her affliction. Did we win this battle ultimately? Yes! Her strength is unimaginable to a regular person. She triumphed over pain by celebrating life instead of sufferring. She inspired many people by her positive attitude and that's how I want to remember her by. I know now she's home.  

Revelation 14:13 "Then I heard a voice from heaven say, "Write: Blessed are the dead who die in the Lord from now on." "Yes," says the Spirit, "they will rest from their labor, for their deeds will follow them."




Thess

 

Nanay

I saw my mother's photo this morning sitting beside my father on a brand new sofa. Judging on her seemingly unhappy face, she seems to have reluctantly agreed to be snapped! She doesn't like being photographed at all. 

Nanay, as we lovingly call her, has the most beautiful porcelain skin sans the use of cosmetics or glutathione. Unfortunately, none of us 3 girls inherited that. She can pull off any dress with her height and flawless skin. She always has a very serious face almost mistaken to be frowning. Lines and wrinkles and other signs of aging may have outlined her face but she remains luminous to this day.

She's frugal and very simple in nature. Perhaps it is because both her parents were survivors of World War II and both married at a tender age of 15. It's unphatomable how  teenagers in the late 40's could raise a child in post-war era. And that, too, 8 more children followed. You imagine the rest of the story.

She's an incurable collector of things considered valuable to her. No, she's not a hoarder. Perhaps it is her longing for her grown children translating to not parting from things that remind strongly of us--like old photographs, mother's day gifts from years past, elaborate curtains and draperies that beautified our home, stainless and non-stick pots and pans, tupperware, perpetual calendars--yes, that particular 2004 calendar marking the day I married Indranil.

I don't know where she gets her strength from. With 7 children, individually unique, including me as one of the pasaways (stubborn), I can only assume her days and years were full of challenges, pain and sufferring, and, hopefully, joy as well.

And yet! She doesn't want her image immortalized. She doesn't know how incredible a woman she is for me.

On Prayer and Gadgets

Last weekend my 4 year old daughter suggested a rather smart idea on making security and safety issue more stringent for her--"in case I got lost in the mall, you know." She told me to create a regular "going-out" ID card with both mine and my husband's mobile number at the back. That was a big lightbulb moment there!

My daughter seems to have a mental map that scans possibilities in her little world. We bought her a walkie-talkie 2 months ago upon her suggestion so we can check on her whereabouts. As I was thinking of only a restrainer to keep her close to me, she was thinking of a gadget that would make it easier for us all. Clever!

I have heard a lot of stories from good friends who are absolutely incredible mothers that have terrifying stories of losing their kids even momentarily and found them. The horror of what could have happened haunted them for days. God forbid it happens to me, I would be as horrified as they are. It would mean to me a hundred deaths over.

While it's difficult to face the truth of the harhness of life, I have to prepare my child for the dangers of the world. I'm not an experienced parent. Therefore, I read a lot of websites that offer intelligent information and expert advice to parents about child protection. I also discuss with other mum-friends about their style  and adopt some of them, too. To discuss unpleasant topics to my child is the most critical but it's a must!


Above all, "seek first the kingdom of God and all these things will be added unto you." I pray to God every morning to seek His blessing on my child as she goes about her normal day. The big battles are best won by kneeling in prayer.

Psalm 91:14-15, "Because he loves me," says the Lord, "I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name. He will call upon me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him."  

These are very powerful verses. There's nothing more assuring than knowing I have the blessing and favor of God in our lives.

Reception or No Reception

Finally, I have my own blog! As a first-timer, I kind of expected to find myself virtiously slacked. Didn't think though that excitement of this kind can actually render my mind blank and ultimately disappointed.

Well...my pumpkin is napping. It's a daily after-school routine which she needs as she wakes up as early as 615am every day. She attended pre-school when she was a little over 2 years at Salt Lake City, Calcutta. I thought my husband and I made her simple life complex.

At a very young age, she had to learn the discipline of getting up early--to bathe; eat breakfast as in f-a-s-t; and while yawning in between, putting on her uniform just as quickly. It was difficult to hear her cry as she entered the school gate. As a mother I felt sorry for her to go through such an early life training while other kids are still tucked in bed. (The educational system was not like this in the 70's!) Since times have changed, my husband and I agreed on early childhood education in the hope of equipping her with tools to survive both statutory and obligatory education later on. 

She's now in Senior KG here in Manama. Thanks to Shemrock, India, my child learned to write early. Right now she's learning firmer strokes among many other things. Her handwriting improved impressively. Above all, she looks forward to going to school every day. The once feeling of obligation has now turned into a feeling of excitement for her.

In retrospect, I grew up in an extended family surrounded by cousins of practically the same age. Some were older and some younger but the gap was not that big. There was no need for reception class at age 2 or 3 at our time. If socialization is one of the factors in joining early childhood education, we need not go too far as we had all resources ready at our disposal--pretend games of animated heroes like Voltes V, Mazinger Z ; patintero, sipa (kick) or sepak takraw; tumbang preso (tin target [translation mine]) (a few Filipino traditional games). A little backstory there.

Fast forward to where I am now, I can't help but wonder, is the necessity of sending a young child to early education based on the child's need or a need created by business-minded people? Or is it the gap so massive created by the then and now that parents of today have to catch up? 

Time to wake her up!