God Be Praised!

"I am the Alpha and the Omega--the beginning and the end," says the Lord God. "I am the One who is, who always was, and who is still to come, the Almighty One." --Revelation 1:8

 

In 2010 I was wheeled into emergency care three times on different dates due to hypertension. My blood pressure shot up to 160/100 on the first episode while my husband was out of Bahrain. I was given nitroglycerin, baby aspirin, a shot in the arm, fitted onto my chest some electrodes for ECG test, put me on oxygen, and sent me home with 2 weeks of meds 2 hours later when my blood pressure was stabilized.

 

Five days later, I checked myself in to the hospital due to dizzy spells and tension on the chest. My blood pressure registered to a dangerous level of 190/100. I was administered the same procedures, and, thus, saved me from that life-threatening stage. I was sent home stable the same night with new sets of drugs.

 

A few days later I came back to the hospital for some required lab tests. Results revealed that I had blocked arteries that required 6 months treatment of cholesterol-lowering drug (the brand I forgot) along with Concor (beta blocker) 5mg once daily to target two issues: (1)  high blood pressure, and (2) angina pectoris. My doctor said to me that my heart was "tired", and has been working so hard for some time. That, I guess, I can attest to because prior to my first emergency care, I could hear my heart beating outside my shirt even while my body was at rest.

At the back of my mind I knew then my body was telling me something was wrong, and I didn't pay attention to it at all. As a mother and wife, I have set priorities that were (and still are) more important outside of myself, so anything that discomforts me and can inconvenience others does not raise a red flag--and that has always been my nature.

 

The third time I had to be wheeled in back to the hospital was due to dull headaches, cold and numb fingers and toes, and chest tension. The latter was so intense to a level that I thought I was gonna die. My blood pressure was again high at 160/90 despite regular medication. My doctor  increased the dosage of Concor to 10mg--5 mg in the morning, 5 in the evening. He told me, too, that the feeling of "going to die" is one of the symptoms of panic attacks apart from other physical manifestations such as shaking and palpitations. He discussed a prescription drug that can help alleviate  it can potentially cause a patient to be physically or psychologically dependent on it. I refused to take it, simply because I didn't want to go through another horrid process of painstaking recovery after recovery.

But, you know what, I went back to him and asked for the prescription meds. He gave me on limited basis, since the drug can't be issued liberally. He discussed to me that it's important, on the onset of the panic attack, to stop understanding what's going on. He taught me that palpitation is not necessarily contingent to an alarming high blood pressure. And that it can be caused by caffeine or foods I eat. Education and lifestyle change were key.

 

He told me to reduce its severity, I should eliminate stress out of my system slowly or by force--mentally. In other words, I should decide to take my life back, not how but when. And it's solely dependent on me.

 

It was a difficult task to embark on especially at a time when my husband was still mourning the death of his father. It would be impossible for someone to reach out from a black hole of despair. He himself was broken. I will never have understanding of sheer depth of grief losing a parent because mine are still living. Therefore, I allowed him to transition at his own pace.

 

Braving the path to recovery, I have had tremendous ups and downs along the way. It was never easy because I had a little girl to take care of with my limp body. I tried my best to be as attentive and as nurturing to her as I possibly could. Upon seeing my struggles, my husband hired domestic help to take care of the things I couldn't while recovering.

 

Some days were good. Some days weren't as much. The physical side effects of medicines altered my lifestyle, and worse, perspective. I felt weak in almost all areas of my life. I got scared of stepping out of the house or riding the car. Astonishingly, the most intense fear was when the day turned to dusk. It felt like, to me, the sun was not going to shine--ever. Irrational! Totally irrational fears! I would succumb to this useless fear as if there was a deadline to death. I would cry out, "Jesus, Jesus, help me!"

 

One night I heard Joyce Meyer on TV saying, "The One that is in you is greater than he who is in the world." I was stunned. It felt like someone had thrown a bucket of cold water on me. The times that I thought I could rely on my own strength was a failure. God is in control!

 

She further quoted Revelation 1:8, "I am (Jesus) the Alpha and the Omega--the beginning and the end," says the Lord God. My heart pounded, not because I was having another panic attack, but because I knew the Lord was speaking to me! It meant so personal. Jesus has the first word and the last word about my health, not my doctor (as wonderful as he is). I searched the bible and discovered verses after verses of God's word telling me not to be afraid. Psalm 27:1, "The LORD is my light and my salvation-- whom shall I fear? The LORD is the stronghold of my life-- of whom shall I be afraid?"; Psalm 118:6, "The LORD is with me; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?"

 

Day after day I would write down on pieces of paper other great scriptures that talk about courage, healing and restoration. I would tuck them in my book, put them inside my pocket, paste it on my journal, so I could read them and be reminded of how good the plans of our Lord is to me. I owned each promise to myself. Visualized myself healed and free. The more I read the bible, the closer I get to my healing. Within 2 months, I was totally free from panic attacks. Glory to God!

 

As I was being restored back to health, God has already been blessing me with unlimited opportunities to join and teach in CBSE, British and American curriculum schools in various degree of successes. What a gift!

 

I'm happy to tell the world that my blood pressure has been  stable even before Christmas of 2010, and never fluctuated under any circumstances since. My God is faithful:-)